When the news broke about the incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna there was shock and disappointment because he projects such a wholesome and positive image at a time when many of his contemporaries and their work are perceived otherwise.
The media spin on this has been so over the top until it's hard to keep up with all of the reports. There are so many inside scoops...who do you believe?
You could easily think it's all been a publicity hoax. We don't know and may never know what really happened between these mutual victims and why. However, something did happen, and since you can only have one first time of anything...the probability that this was the not first time is likely.
The Tragedy
Since the alleged attack, I have heard so many stories about women abusing men and women provoking men (What are men doing to provoke women?) until I myself am black and blue in the face. Nevertheless, the overwhelming majority of domestic physical violence occurrences are men against women.
Why do we as a society want to twist this? What are we in denial about? Where are the men's domestic abuse shelters? Where are the pictures of Chris' cuts, bruises and bite marks? Hasn't there been more than enough dialogue on the possibilities of what Rihanna's role was in the incident?
From this point on the dialogue should be about their healing and the healing of others who are victims and perpetrators of physical abuse.
The Punishment
Chris' punishment should be compensatory to the crime, but destroying Chris' career and/or having him to serve jail time isn't necessary or rehabilitating.
If found guilty, Chris' punishment should give him an insight into the lives/realities of battered women in this country, thus helping him realize the scope of domestic violence, and hopefully understand the seriousness of the offense. His punishment should be 3-fold: 1) Mandatory counseling, 2) Volunteering at a women's domestic abuse shelter to include listening in as a third party observer on a battered women's hotline, and 3) Establishing some type of out reach initiative assisting battered women, their families and abusers primarily funded with his own money.
The Lesson
We must explain to our children (boys and girls) what abuse is, uphold that explanation by not allowing them to witness us on either side of an abusive situation and teach them that there are ways of resolving conflict other than resorting to violence. Additionally, let them know that physical abuse against anyone is unacceptable, and can be a criminal offense that is punishable by incarceration.
March is National Women's Month, and in 2009 the perception of many is that the number one social ill on the planet is not racism but sexism. Let us remind ourselves that physical violence against women is a global issue that should be addressed on all levels of society.
National Women's Month is an appropriate time for women to affirm their own value, importance and the significance of being female, and strive to live lives that are reflective of our true essence as females.When the planet begins to value women based on their sacred and divine essence then as a global community the physical violence against women will become taboo.
(Pearl Eva Walker, aka The Hair Deva, is a natural hair care designer and host of "A Kinky Konversation" on Innerlightradio.com. She can reached at 901-323-6030. Visit her online at www.hairdeva.com)
